meant to live

I'm NOT depressed/thinking of committing suicide or anything. Just to be clear :)

***

On the day of my funeral, whenever that is (hopefully when I've had at least 2 grandchildren I can annoy and bribe with lollies and have published a few journal articles in Science), I want nobody to be dressed in black or white, but be dressed in purple instead. Not only because it's my favourite colour (in 60 years too maybe?), but because purple doesn't correlate with death at all.

Also, instead of those solemn hymns that are always sung in funerals, please sing a song by Brooke Fraser. I vote "C.S. Lewis Song":

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you

Other songs that don't start or end with a minor key might be considered.

I'd like to be cremated, just because a coffin costs heaps (I processed ACC forms claiming for super expensive coffins). Getting a plot of land costs money too, I presume? Also, staring at a lifeless body when all my viable organs have been donated would just be plain creepy.

All my loved ones would not be sad, no one shall shed a tear; for it will be a time of celebration, not sorrow. Instead let it be a time of reunion (of long-lost friends), forgiving, and singing while holding hands.

***

This is what happens when I spend too much time home-bound (while trying to study). Again, I'm not thinking dark thoughts. Although the weather isn't exactly too bright and sunny at the moment. But just remembering again that life is just a breath, and if we fail to breathe in the goodness around, we might just miss it.

toots

The cold/windy weather is here to stay- at least for the next week.

Nevertheless, went to Farmers market again this morning. They've switched the lamb kebab store position, almost gave me a heart attack when it wasn't on the right of the eurodog stall (turns out to be on the left) but oh well :) Give me my weekly $2.50 lamb kebab and I'm a happy girl.

Saw these 2 boys playing their guitars (can't remember what that tiny guitar is called heh) and singing. Very talented young boys I'd say- they earned quite a lot of money too judging from the heaps of coins.

Interesting news: a giant baby (3x normal baby size) was born in Indonesia! click here to read. 2 words: flexibility & OUCH.

I'm running out of things to blog about. A sign of ageing *gasp*.

que sera, sera

There's a few things I can't wait to do next year: that is, once I'm all settled down and actually known what I've decided to do- phd or work, whichever comes first. Of course, I'd prefer working- more income and less stressful. But who knows? The reverse might actually be true. And I'll only continue on PhD if I get a full scholarship, aka at least $20,000/year allowance & fully-paid fees :D

I told my supervisor today about my plans of applying for scholarship, and he jokingly said "I thought we got rid of you" :P Speaking of which, I'm happy and relieved that I finally heard him saying it directly to me: "You've done a good job- much more than an honours project requires". AMEN! haha

But yeah, just so that you guys wouldn't be TOO shocked if I do get a permanent head damage (possibly) and stayed on here in good old Dunedin. Then I won't miss out on Xander growing up!

But for now, it's not for me to decide.

***

Oh, back to the topic of what I want to do next year: number one on my list is to get a car (Mini Cooper S!) and learn how to drive WOOHOO. Number two is to buy this SUPER AWESOME game- Halo 3: ODST (and of course, to play that, would need to buy an Xbox 360 console first heh) plus the other Halo collection. =D

GOSH. just look at the screenshots. BEAAAAAUTIFUL I tell you.

(click here to see rest of them)

My fingers are itching to even test it out now.

Then everyone's invited to come play multiplayer Halo! ;P Whenever that is. Or whoever buys it first *ahem* May May or Ramon?? =P

it's always about the journey

In the evolutionary battle between virus and host, the virus has a major advantage. The human genome evolves at a snail-like pace over millions of years while the virus, with its tiny genome, compressed generation time, and propensity toward replication errors, nimbly eludes the sophisticated defenses of the host adaptive and innate immune systems, developing genes that neutralize host defenses and structural genes that encode highly plastic structural proteins. In the end, however, the host will win out, not by evolving new immune defense mechanisms, but by virtue of the genes that have endowed us with the ability to understand our surroundings and to develop the means to thwart even the most sophisticated viral accessory genes and molecular escape mechanisms—we hope.

I love this last paragraph taken from a review article I'm reading (for exams soon meh). For copyright reasons: Gramberg et al. 2009. Current HIV/AIDS Reports, 6:36–42.

It is ironic though and I can't help but marvel at God's sense of humour in this: millions of people die from AIDS/HIV every year-as we all know, and it's all because of this little persistent virus whose diameter is more than 50,000,000 times smaller than our height. Yeap that's a ratio of 1 to 50 million.

I guess sometimes, size doesn't matter huh.

***

Anyway thanks for keeping me sane yesterday: most of you know I had trouble sleeping 2 nights ago. I TRIED sleeping (yeah I know drinking coffee at 11pm didn't help, but I wanted to sleep at around 3 or 4am anyway), but ending up studying till 6am-ish, then FORCED myself to sleep, which ended up just lying on the bed with my brain wide awake with severe palpitations. Tried taking a nap during the afternoon but just couldn't sleep again.

But yeah, I managed to sleep last night: not 8 hours but yeah it was quality rest.

The palpitations stopped too today. Yay! I still drink coffee, heh, old habits die hard. Or shall I say, I took a vow to never part with caffeine on the day I became a uni student. But I'm limiting myself to just 1 coffee/day now, unless absolutely necessary aka just before exams.

Speaking of which, dissertation is due on Oct 2, next Friday. Discussing with my supervisor re another set of draft again tomorrow. Presentation on Thursday. 25% oral exam on the 7th. 12.5% assignment due on the 12th. Finals on the 29th and 30th. Gosh gosh gosh.

Maybe that was why I had the pre-panic attack symptoms.

Therefore, I am self-prescribing retail therapy. :D Country road will be having their cardholders special sale today (wednesday) with extra 20% off discounted items!!! I will be there, for sure. After applying for more phd scholarships and banking in my tax refund cheque $$$ WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*looks up at that graduation countdown counter above & smiles* not too far away now...

why bakeries never go bankrupt

white choc & raspberry gateau
with AHEM auto-relight candles

Saturday night was awesome =D

Thanks to everyone who made it that way- the PDA *ahem ahem*, posing and smiling for the camera, Chris for being the photographer of the night, everyone who shaved their legs and dressed up (yay), the purple/white helium balloons and how Ping was so brave even when a drunkard took away one of them, Mae Ann for the beautiful music, Plato for the crazy-delicious crayfish (haven't had one since eons ago), and AHEM for paying for my own dinner. And of course, for making me tear up again (happens every year) after hearing all your little speeches.

Oh, thanks for the Smiggle box ;) See, I haven't forgotten about it yet! hehe

The only critique I have about Plato is how they don't allow customers to bring outside cakes & liquor. We eventually had the cake at my flat after dinner, and those that are keen to try the PORT wine I bought specifically for last Saturday should come see me tomorrow MUAHAHA (I'll be opening it then).

Photos from Saturday night will be up soon (tomorrow or Thurs) once Chris gives me the CD; some will be on the website as well- ask me for the username and password.

There's just so many HAPPY things happening lately. I called inland revenue about getting a tax refund (aka since NZ taxes income-earners a lot, non-residents can get back HEAPS of what they had earned here) and ta-da- I'm getting back approximately $500 (or even more muahhaha) back in a few weeks time when the cheque arrives!!! =D Oh yes I'm happy but 10% of that's going back to God, while the rest goes to my travel fund, maybe some for upcoming trip to Welly *cough Karen Walker shop cough*. hehe.

I found my passport too!! Which is quite dumb (losing a passport, I know), and I was freaking out about losing it. But eventually I found it in between a photo album of old photos, which I decided to look through AFTER looking at old photos my cousin uploaded onto Facebook AFTER he added me on facebook 1 week ago! Coincidence/silver lining? ;P

Passport found; so I could finally sit for my learners drivers license- which I sat for and passed yesterday!!! Heart almost skipped a beat when it came down to the last 2 questions I wasn't too sure about: and I already had 2 wrong answers (to pass: need to score at least 32 out of 35). But thank God for that: now I have a temporary NZ Learners Driver License (can drive, but need to be accompanied by someone with a 2-year full license at all times), getting the permanent card soon in the mail, then sit for restricted in 6 months' time.

It was a big step for me; not knowing if I'll still be in the country next year but still taking the test and getting a driver license. Which means I had just slimmed down the possibility of applying for a job overseas, i.e. Aussie, not because I don't want to, but because my decision would be to stay in NZ after graduation, at least for next few more years until after I get my residency.

I've also been thinking about starting to work again from now til before trip to Welly. Reason is to get more income, avoiding boredom (which I'm starting to get now), feeling less guilty when shopping, feeling better in general. So I went to Recruitments Agency- they helped me get a job at ACC last year. Surprisingly, the consultant working there recognised me from last year. Though there's no current vacancy at ACC atm, I'm hopeful: if I'm meant to work now, so be it. Or if I'm supposed to just concentrate on studies and getting 1st class honours, I'm fine with that too.

Weather's been great so far. SO HOT oh gosh. My duvet is too thick for spring now.

I'm baking tiramisu cake tonight :D with Sharon's help, of course. Cake is for my supervisor and friends from my lab- another way of thanking them for being so helpful towards my project this year (besides writing the acknowledgments part).

Ok then. Deep breath. One year older in a few hours, Jocelyn.

Chaos, once again

Nobody's surprised anymore: undie 500 never fails to create such chaos and make the majority of Otago university students look, well, stupid and short-sighted.

Click here to watch a video of the riot.

Coming from a student's perspective, some might find it odd that the fires started all because someone caved in to peer presure.

the age of indulgence

Wisdom is something you express before you think. Wisdom is something you express when you stop talking because you feel there is nothing to say any more. Wisdom is to say something when you feel the one you love is waiting for a word – you don’t know what to say, but you say it anyway and you say the right word. Wisdom is when you give something even when you know you’ll lose. Wisdom is when you lose and it is okay with you. Wisdom is when you let someone weaker win a fight. Wisdom is when you let go of something you want very much but it is trying to escape. Wisdom is when you don’t try to run away from a very difficult situation. Wisdom is when you do what you feel is good, although you have no idea how to explain it. Wisdom is to stop an argument even if you think you are right. Wisdom is when you don’t pretend you know something you actually don’t know. Wisdom is when you grab a hammer and use it properly. Wisdom is to try hard and give up when it is too much for you. Wisdom is to be what you are and not what you think or others think you are. Wisdom is to give up the idea “I am wise”.

- http://myogen.blogspot.com

Oh, how I wish that pride can get out of the way in certain situations. Pride + lack of wisdom = adding ethanol to forest fire. We all have much to learn; so be humble!

Life is too precious for it to be based purely on luck. Hoping for good luck, for that matter. I cringe on the insides when someone says "good luck for your exams etc." because, well, luck won't make a difference in the grades I get, or what my future is going to be.

But what I'm sure of is this: where I am, who I've grown to become, what I CAN be- they are the fruit of blessings. A fruit is just a colourful fruit if you don't pick it from the tree branch; it nourishes and becomes of use when you take action.

Philosophically speaking aside, I just wanted to exclaim how BLESSED I truly am. :) From the early birthday present my mum/dad sent me (they KNEW what I needed, even without me telling them), getting excited about birthday dinner, the purple peep toe shoes I can't wait to wear, to the fact that I can even use my fingers to type and my eyes to see the pretty cherry blossoms around uni :D

I choose to be happy, not only because I can, but because the world is a better place when there is one less frown. And oh, just like how yawning and its 'contagiousness' remains to be a mystery, smiles are fail-proof.

And yes, I shall indulge in my pretty dress & purple heels, with a bunch of great friends no less- great food & tasteful music at the beautiful Plato restaurant; all that happening on Saturday night at 7pm. See you there! ;)

pretty blossoms

Spring is awesome. Because it starts in September. Hence September is awesome HEHEH :)

The last few days were crazy cold, but the days were still sunny and slightly warm (by Dunedin standards). The blossoms were finally out and blooming, so we Becky and I out for a (vain) photoshoot around uni. Sorry Becky if I was too demanding on getting the angles right and everything! ;)

THIS, my friends, is why I love spring

oh yes it's sunny but wind was cold

*sigh* nostalgia again about having to leave this place soon

Potluck/Agnes' birthday last night at Val/Bernard's place. While we were watching the movie "curse of the golden flower" aka cleavagefest, Bernard ahem changed and brought out the cake :P Oh complete with the bunny ears too. I don't need a surprise *hint*. Anyway we got her 2 fancy dresses. Oh and Glenn's adobo (a Filipino chicken dish) was sooooooooo good I can't believe it's so easy to make (sounds easy anyway).

surprise!

It was Bernard's birthday recently too, Val got him this custom made mug & a heart (literally). A colourful one too.

I finally bought a pair of purple heels!!! Some might also know how I was so hyper the whole day yesterday after buying those shoes: muahaha it's on sale and I didn't plan on going shopping at first, but while waiting for Michelle for hot chocolate decided to have a look at Overland, and then I saw it- the perfect pair ;P erm well, perfect for its price since the pretty ones at Mi Piaci costs over $200 :(

I actually do miss running experiments :S oddly.

1st of spring!

(copyright from Sharon): No, I haven't lost my mojo! (in blogging, of course).

Ok fine I admit it. I'll definitely miss flatting with the girls this year: Sharon who can make millions with her pweeeety cupcakes (see photos below) and other bakery products + her random hyperness of jumping up and down singing "I'm a little butterfly/teacup/squid...etc animal friends"; Amy and her super organised routines/being the mum of the house (besides me, heh) and her awesome ciabatta & seafood chowder YUM-ness; and Mae Ann, who although is not home often, brings laughter whenever she's home.

The 4 of us did something we never had a chance to do: had a flat dinner! It was GREAT; plus the food was SOOOOO good at Eureka's tonight (so maybe we were just famished heheh). Oh, and cute waiter too ;0)

OOOOOOOH and I had a haircut today!!! :D Goodbye semi-long hair, hello short hair! I like it: what better way to enjoy the 1st day of spring with a new haircut? I still need purple/red heels to go with my dress for birthday party. I can't believe it's so hard finding a decent pair here in Dunedin gah :(

Oh, and baby shower for Michy/Ray/baby Xander was held last Saturday. Headache and stress that went into the planning for the baby shower was finally rewarded: awesome cupcakes as made/decorated by Sharon+Mae Ann, and people willing enough to play the baby pictionary game, as embarrassing as it was. Though I do agree that some were too easy, especially the ones we picked for the guys.

Planning was hardcore: I found it even more tiring than planning for the Yeos' wedding last year. Weddings are straightforward; while I had no idea what makes or breaks a baby shower. Choosing the colours for balloons alone for centerpiece even took both Becky and I more than 15 minutes. Tip: go for bright colours! And now I know so many baby terms and facts: do you know that a baby cot mobile costs up to 300 dollars (it plays soothing Beethoven/Mozart/Hayden music when a sensor detects movement made by baby -_-), and baby spoons change colour if food reaches a certain temperature? Gosh. And I'm not even a baby person: I don't coo and do baby-talk. Love the cake and the saying on it too: "happy minus 6 weeks Xander" :)

WOW he really is coming soon. Very very soon.

Anyway some photos from the baby shower if you haven't seen it on facebook already.

the cutest of them all: mini blue elephant
next on the cute scale: mini octopus

how can anyone eat them?!

baby pictionary; hehe the puzzled looks

"labour pain" ;P
guess who drew this?

Michelle opening the presents

We did it! *high 5*

Hmm apart from that, District 9 was ahem... weird. Less action/more drama than what I had anticipated, slight dizziness after the movie as it was shot in documentary style. Saw the trailer for the movie "2012", another one of those end-of-the-world movies I'm a sucker for, considering "the day after tomorrow" is one of my favourites. Awesomeness.

I have finished all my drafts!! *surprise surprise* This happens when your supervisor is super organised and give deadlines for each section every other week. Now I have 1 whole month to do slight corrections and polish it up. Oh, and study for other papers meh.

I'm still not too worried about how next year will be like: when I'll move, where I'll work. Not yet, anyway. Mum on the other hand, is more worried than I am. It is a weird feeling: knowing that uni life will end in 2 months' time, and I will (highly probably) leave this town/people that I love/treasure after 4 whole years.

Oh, and I bought new batteries for my camera (been idle for quite a while); just in time to capture those pretty spring blossoms! :D anyone keen for photosession?