the unexpected happens yet again

Prize-giving day, as usual each year, is equally boring. What to do when you have a bald and short-sighted guy for a headmaster?

On Friday night, Jul told me that Ying was not going to receive either of the 3 outstanding students award. Shocking, really shocking. For the past 5 years, Ying has made herself one of the most popular girls in school. She was practically involved in everything - prefect, PBSM, school mag editor, debate, competitions etc. Everyone thought that she was deifinitely going to be the one to take home the coveted trophy/prize. But alas...she got none in the end. Not even the Pelajar Cemerlang or Pelajar Contoh award. Btw, Jou got the Pelajar Contoh award while Kia Miang got the Pelajar Cemerlang award. I think Ying was furious when she heard the news. Sure, who wouldn't be? Jou was even shocked when her name was announced. She didn't want to lose her friendship with Ying just because of some silly award, and got some advice all the way from UK - Sharon.

Yesterday morning, she looked quite uneasy too... blurted everything out when we reached school. I really pity her though, she's stuck in between, not knowing what to do... But in the end, everything went well, I guess... Ying said that she knew from the beginning this was going to happen since many teachers disliked her. Rumours said that teachers think that her behaviour is 'terrible'. What the --- ?!! Gosh, they are all just threatened by her...Ying was one of those outspoken people who would just say out anything...including bad stuff about some teachers. No wonder they didn't want to give her the award, not to mention 300 ringgit cash. Anyway, Jou promised us she'd chiah the 4 or 5 of us makan soon, probably before I go for NS training. waa...I 'd really miss her. It's funny how I only start to get close to someone who will be leaving for somewhere soon... Last time was Agfa, now Jou... this shucks. bleh ;|

Have the biggest urge to watch a scary movie. The Grudge - English version is out now, can't wait to see it. Too bad it's only 4 days to SPM now. For the sake of Halloween mood, write a dead letter at thedeadletter.com.

graduation day

5 years of high school has finally come to an end. Today is the last formal day of school, and everyone in my class partied together, for the last time as students. It really was a celebration. A few girls went out with our Biology teacher, Pn Lesmy, (who also celebrates her birthday today!) to Pizza Hut and ordered 7 pizzas. So we had a great feast of pizzas and laughter during class.

It was really fun...but I could tell that everyone felt sad that we are not going to see each other wearing those silly uniforms, gossiping about teachers, and spending time in class as students anymore. Ying brought up about our Form 2 year when we were best friends and did many funny and silly things, and somehow I got over emotional and cried. Gosh, how humiliating... Anyway, Yee Shien brought her digital cam over and we took many group photos. After crapping and just making fun of each other, we wished each other good luck and goodbyes...

Tomorrow is prize-giving day, and also the last day at school before SPM. No matter what people say, I'll always think that high school years are the best times of our lives... That's when you learn, make mistakes, learn from mistakes, and finally become a mature person. Scary, truly scary. One thing I know for sure, I'll cherish those times in school and forever remember my friends and teachers. Sigh...why does this have to end so fast? I don't want to grow up so fast, to go to another foreign country for Foundation Studies next year. Right now, sitting in class listening to a boring teacher babble seems pretty inviting. haha.

I realy hope all of us 5S1-ers will keep in touch and not forget each other when we're all adults and successful in life. haha. I wonder what we'd be in the future... who knows what might happen and who will turn out to be. So many questions...yet so little answers.

Here's a song all graduates know.

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Will Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

La, la, la, la
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Quote of the week:
"Ahem. Teacher, it means - skirt fly up, see flesh. Get it?"
Abigail trying to explain to my BM tuition teacher, Pn Mary what "zao keng" means.

life goes on...whether u like it or not

I've finally made up my mind to further my studies in New Zealand. If all goes well, I'd be joining Rebecca, and hopefully May at either Riccarton High or Burnside High, Christchurch. Hmm...it's very far away from home, and mum and dad seem uncertain to let me go that far, but they know that it's time I learn how to be independant.
Tomorrow mum will bring me to get the enrolment form to fill out and then pass it to Rebec's mum. But there's still another problem. National Service. sighz. It only ends at 6 of March, whereas school term in NZ begins at mid of Feb. Though Rebec says 1st month of school is not important, but I still don't like missing school...and it's worse when you're the "new international student". Now that's scary. Nobody wants to be the new kid, it's just scary. I'll have to make new friends all over again, leave my best friends behind, leave my boring yet comfy hometown behind, leave my silly youth members behind....waaa...I'll really miss those fun times la. But life must go on, no matter what.

why fret so much over an exam?

As SPM draws ever near, the tension in school really begins to show. Today 7 didn't show up for school, including Jul. They think that the school won't bother to take any action against them (as always), but Mr. Bong amde it clear that whoever skips school in this last two weeks will have their testimonials blacklisted in some sort of way. Actually this won't happen at all if the bald headmaster would just give us study leave (like many other schools) and save many the trouble of buying fake sick leave...

Mock exam results are ok gua...except for chinese. blah. I'm just forever sucky in that subject, no matter how hard I study for it. bluekkk... Still not happy that when I asked my chinese teacher to add 1 more mark...just 1 more mark to help me get at least a B, she ended up cutting 2 marks off my paper again...which leaves me with 58 marks only... sheesh. Anyway, I don't really care about what position I'd get in the class already, unlike other exams, dunno why exactly... maybe I'm more matured now??? nahhh..maybe I'm not that keen on competing with other people now. What's the real point of competing? Is it not to prove that you're better then others? Thinking back on 3 or 4 years ago, I still remembered how we practically demanded that the teachers add just 1 more mark to every subject...and even went to the point of arguing 1 hour for 1 stupid question. Those were the days...

I'm really moody these days... and headachy too. But thank God for those relaxing worship songs I bought...really helped soothe me down. There's so many things to study, yet so little time... 11 subjects altogether, how to study all in less than 2 weeks???

don't know why...but still smiling

I don't really know why, but I love the feeling I get after every home cell meeting. Somehow, I feel more inspired and blessed. And since I've missed home cell for quite a long time, coming home from home cell has really made me feel good...not really on the physical side, but mainly emotionally and spiritually. I wonder if anyone feels the same way too.

There's only about 7 youths today, but it gave me a sense of security and comfort. But I'm quite disappointed that there was no sharing time tonight. Nonetheless, despite a few minor errors during worship, I had a great time tonight, including a few good laughs. haha. the Voon family just has that special ability to make people laugh without noticing it...and I really admire that. The only thing thatw ent wrong just now was poor Eric...he had some tummy problems and had to visit the toilet a couple of times...

16 days till SPM. The countdown really scares me. aiks. What should I do during these last 2 weeks plus? Should I just study like mad or take it slow and easy, only focusing on those topics that I'm not sure of? Or should I quite doing exercises like what I've done during the past few days? Hmm... I really don't know what to do... and what can I do to improve certain subjects. Is it already too late, or is there still enough time to salvage another A, esp from Chinese, the subject I hate most?

Quote of the day: "Vy-ner!! What are you doing??!!"
~ Aunty Roselind, flabbergasted. Vyner, poking holes in a banana with a toothpick.

spm just round the corner...

It's been a while since I last blogged. I've been studying and doing lotsa exercises. It's only 2 weeks plus till SPM, but surprisingly, I don't feel the stress yet.

Anyway, just bought 2 great cds, 1 is Casting Crowns, the other is the new one by Hillsongs. The songs are just so nice and powerful. Today I followed mum and dad to their new yet opened shop. they discussed about the suitable layout and colour themes etc. It's quite fun too, designing interior spaces. But I'm still not sure whether to choose between interior designing, pharmacy, or chemistry... I've yet to make up my mind, but many of my friends have already decided which uni to go to and what course to take by now. Jou and four guys from my class have already enroled in the same college in Aussie...all of them taking foundation studies. How do I decide???

Finally, I can go to Home Cell tonight. I'm leading worship again...kinda creepy but okay now. The onloy thing's bothering me is when eric starts laughing like a hyena when I start singing. ugh... Anyway, Agfa's coming back soon, about 3 weeks from now. I really miss her...talked to her on the phone for almost 45 mins last night but still miss that silly princess. haha. She's been like an older sister to me these few months, always giving me advices and words of comfort. Honestly, few months ago, I would never even think that I'd be this close to her now. It's funny and awesome to see how things will work out eventually.

Speaking of which, almost all of my Mock SPM results have been given back. I'm really surprised at some of the results..didn't expect to fare that well is History and Biology. But the B in Chinese, well that was expected. Besides from Chinese, I've gotten all As in all subjects, but there's still Chemistry and English papers yet to be given back. But overall, I guess I'm quite confident and happy with my performance this time...hopefully SPM results will be even better.

graduation excitement+anxiety

It's now only 20 days till SPM, and 50 days till graduation from high school. oh gosh...time really flies swiftly, especially when you're having fun. Not to say that 5 years of high school years were very fun and exciting, but the experience is really valuable, and many things had happened, things that made me stronger. Yes, I'll really miss those times we gossip behind teachers' backs, or just playing silly games with close friends, joking around with the guys, and just wearing school uniform. I'll miss those little things soon enough.

Graduation. Such a big word. It means breaking out from your comfort zone and start a new unknown life in the world out there. I've been so comfortable spending my last 17 years under the wings of my parents and friends, but now it's almost time to finally begin a new chapter of my life. I'd be lying if I say I'm not afraid. I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know what kind of person I'd turn out to be 5 years from now. I don't know what course I'm going to take and in which university. So many choices, yet I don't know how to make one decision.

Everyone wants to grow up and be an adult. But the idea of being an adult actually scares me right now. Maybe not an adult yet, but definitely a more independant person... esp if I were to further my studies overseas. It's gonna be a new environment, new people, new experience... whch means I have to start everything over again, from the beginning.

But whatever my future is, I trust that God has a great plan for me. And no matter what my paths are going to lead, He'd surely guide me and pick me up if I fall.

weekend before chem test

What happened on Saturday night? Funny thing is, I went to the dinner with mum's friends expecting little, I only went because she asked me to go with her. So it was pretty boring at first...listening to adults talk serious stuff and jokes that I don't understand at all. But later on, I made two new friends...or two new sisters. Haha.

Mum's friends brought her two grandaughters and I sat next to them. Boy, those two rascals are really loud, hyperactive, talkative... But it's nice just being an older sister...and I really missed being with little children so naive and playful as them. haha. Both of them went to the toilet for at least 10 times that night and didn't even pay a single cent when they went in. The place (Topspot) was really crowded and yet they still dared to go to the toilet alone and ran about like nobody's business. Ah...how nice if I can just go back to those carefree days...

Youth meeting was fun today...we played games throughout the whole 'meeting'. Though the games had been played many times before, but we didn't laugh less. And everyone was not afriad to embarass themselves, too. Which made it even harder when I had to follow an action Ik Sung did... (the action: taking off his clothes in a very very sexy, tempting way and then scrubbing himself with soap...dry off with towel and put back on clothes...) Everyone was laughing like mad while I was blushing like mad. The rest is just to embarrassing to write out. The 'Monkey and banana' game was really rough...my thigh muscles hurt till now. haha. But it was fun trying to snatch the banana away from Bernard..and watch other people do the same thing. Ian was really cunning, he managed to win almost everytime...Marina couldn't beat him at all..haha. Both groups were tied in the end, but laughter's all that counted.

"Promise not to tell Nana this, ok?" pause. "I slipped and fell just now on the way to the toilet. My leg hurts. Ouch." Then she snickered.
~ The little girl whispered in my ear... and then went on running, pretending like nothing happened.

Old songs still sound cool. This one has stayed in my head for quite some time now.

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd once never been
All the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
At least not today
~Oasis - Don't look back in anger (ost-cruel intentions)

lovely saturdays

I always love Saturdays. Although there's Chem test on Monday, but I'm not stressing myself out. This morning went shopping with mum to buy a present for her friend. We bought a heart shaped pendant for her, and a pair of gold earrings for each of us. That was really nice of her...haha.

Going out for a special dinner tonight, since there's no home cell - it's been changed to Sunday. Too bad I can't go tomorrow night coz there's test on Monday. waaa... I've missed 3 weeks of home cell including tomorrow...since I didn't know there ws any home cell for the last two weeks. sighz...I'm such a blur*.

PMR is already over. hmm...and SPM mock is not even finished yet. So unfair... There's still around 50 days to go until I can finally relax and enjoy. sigh sigh. I've been listening to a lot of music while studying these few weeks. Hmm...and I still want some more cd albums. I really like autobiography...it's one of those cds that you can sing along to...and it makes me feel good. hehe. Green Day has a new one out, maybe I'll check it out.

This song is really nice. The lyrics are even more meaningful and inspiring...

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly
And when you're down and feel alone,
Just want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else,
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of yesterday.

eek

Hmm. It's only 3 weeks left till SPM and yet I'm blogging 3 times a day. Not normal at all. *sigh* What is wrong with me anyway? I really should be studying Chemistry or some other subject. This is so not me. Two years ago, I would be studying right this moment and not be so lazy. How do I cure this terrible disease???

addicted... again

I can't help it. Gosh, I really am addicted now. Here's another hilarious one. Ahem.

"How do I get to handbags?"
"Oh, they're on the lower level, you can go downstairs right over there."
"I'm afraid of down escalators! You need to respect the fact that some people are afraid of down escalators!"
"I'm so sorry Ma'am... I didn't consider that because you took the up escalator to arrive here just now. Er... the elevators are around the corner if you'd prefer that."
"Don't you know that down escalators is how you get to *looks side to side, then whispers* Hell?"
--An elderly woman and a clerk at Macy's.

Chatted with Alex (dear Agfa's friend). Still chatting with him now actually. He's really really blur, man. That's my first impression of him. Got me mixed up with another person...went on babbling for a few minutes. And now he is beginning to irritate me. Haiyz. And I thought he was cool when we chatted through friendster. Hmmph. Ok...I shouldn't be that judgy. One more thing : He types sloooowly. Slow poke.

just when you think that you live in a normal world

Ever think that you're weird? Well, a 'genius' gurl here, eve (eve.s.dropper) claims that she has special listening skills. She evesdrops, umm listens to other people's *interesting* conversations and writes it in her blog. Very entertaining, I must say. Here, you'd realize how funny people can actually be. I don't think they even noticed it. Some are funny, some just totally weird. Here are a few entries. Check out the rest of it at in passing.

"She was like, 'Oh, I thought Buddy was lost!' and reaches under the bed."
"Teddy bear?"
"Pet snake."
--Two guys talking at Raleigh's.

"You look nicer."
"Yeah, I don't wear the contacts much."
"No. I mean you look like a nicer person."
--Two guys talking at Thalassa.

"No. No way. Give me an example."
*pause*
"That doesn't even count, I was trying to show Jenna I could drive with my knee."
--A woman talking on a cell phone outside Pegasus Books.

Maybe it's time that we look at our surroundings closer, and not too self-absorbed all the time. Maybe we'll even get to notice some small yet very significant things while doing that. I think I'll try that myself. Who knows what I might find out. *wink*

random thoughts...

Haiyz...stupid com got hanged again and made me lose my entry. grrr...

Anyway, sat for Add Mx papers today. The questions are getting harder and harder...and that 2 1/2 hours was horrible la. Not only I almost forgotten some of the 'rumus', my eyelids felt incredibly heavy this morning, and the wooden stool was damn uncomfortable. sheesh. I had to squirm every 5 mins or so and move my butt around, I wonder if Jordan, who was sitting next to me, noticed that or not. aiks. The school is still so 'kiam siat' in buying better chairs for the comfort of us, poor students. What to do when you study in a lousy school, with lousy teachers and a bald headmaster whose have extreme eye problems. No wonder his visions aren't that far.

Stumbled upon many blogs today...really interesting when you notice how people write stuff. A guy wrote everything and described himself in the third person. But most of them just crapped. Yeah, like me. So what's the real meaning in blogging? To be heard and seen or just for the fun of it? This is actually my fourth blog journal now...am I really that choosy? Hmm...the first one was okay, but too dull. Second made all the free users pay...hmpf! Got really bored with the third one, and I can't even change the htmls and stuff. This is the fourth, so I hope it'll last... at least for another few months. So I guess it'll be abandoned when I'm going for National Service by December then.

I've had so many crushes before...each one different from the other. But every one of them had been really *interesting*. haha. Fun memories. Nice to think back and just dwell on those hysterical moments. sighhhh. Not sure how I feel about my current crush though...it's weird, really weird. Hmm. Nevermind, I'm sure it'll go away some time soon. I still think it's best for us to just reamin friends...don't wanna lose what we've got.

Just some reading material from a random page...

The Perfect Guy:

• The way they always know how to make you smile when you are down
• How they try to secretly smell your hair or your perfume, but you always notice
• How they stick up for you, but still respect your independence
• How they are so wrapped up in everything else, but still have time for you
• The way their arms fit firmly and comfortably around you
• The way they hint that they want to kiss you
• The way their hands always find yours
• How cute they are when they really want something and how they beg for it
• How they never run out of new games to play to hint that they like you
• How they never run out of good jokes. Even if the jokes are bad you appreaciate the effort to make you laugh
• How they never run out of compliments
• How they are funny, but know when to be serious
• The way they are patient when you take forever to get ready, and the look they give you when you finish that makes you feel it was worth every second
• How they react when you hit them and it actually hurts
• The way they smile
• The way they kiss you
• The way they try to hide that one stuffed animal when you come over
• The way they act like Mr. Big
• The way they apologize for acting like Mr. Big
• The way they ask you for a pen in class and you know they have one
• How they are blasting the music when they pick up the phone, and sometimes even blasting 'our' song
• How they turn it off when they notice that you are on the phone
• The look they make that gives you butterflies in your stomach
• The way they hug you on a bad day and the clouds seem to lift

the mystery of umm...crushes

I found this in a friend's (ahem) blog.

Why is it, that whenever you like this person, you just keep on thinking about them every single day, even in your dreams. It's like a non-stop fantasy about them, which keeps on going on and on, and on until you meet them again. Then when you meet them you just don't know what to say, you're speechless, and you just let everything go it's own way. Then after you've seen that person, and you realized that you never did aNYTHING to attract their attention, you start to regret, you start to think what if I don't get to meet them anymore. Ah, love...such a silly thing, don'tyou think? One moment, you're in love, then the next you choose not to, but then you're still in love, and you try so hard not to think about them, but every single waking moment, nothing else matters except for them.

Hmm...very true indeed. One more question: Why do we keep having crushes on the wrong person? Whoever finds out the answer to that question should be given a NOBLE [luv] prize. Ok, I'm going nuts now...thinking of ***

escape's not the answer

Have you ever felt so excited for something to happen? A drastic change, maybe? But once it gets nearer to that day, you begin to feel nervous and anxious about it. Imagine a panic attack.

That's what's sitting for SPM is all about. Part of me hopes that it will be over anytime soon so that I can fianlly chill out and relax all day long. But another part of me hope that it will not happen that soon. What do I really want then?

But there's no escaping it, of course. Just have to study like mad for this last month (3 weeks plus actually), sit for it in a nother dreadful month, then finally flap my wings and fly away...

Haha. A little dramatic... but what I really want is to do something different after SPM, well, besides National Service that is. Something more meaningful. Is youth camp enough? By the way, the camp date's changed to 9-11 Dec, whatever the reasons.

Still have Add Mx test tomorrow, then EST on Friday and the worst of all worse... Chemistry on Monday. Aiks. Getting an A seems so far away...

exam bluez

My mind has been troubled for the past few months because of a matter. I don't know if I should call it a family matter or a church problem. This problem has affected many people along the way, and I am also helpless in this, well, quite complicated situation.

I came across her journal (if you found this, you know who you are) few days ago and saw an entry which made me sick to the stomach. I felt betrayed and sad for her because of the way she looked at things. I'm not 100 % sure about everything that's going on behind the scenes, but I know is that she doesn't have the right to critisize what other people are doing. It's not that we don't trust you or just want to say bad things about your family, it's just beacuse we want to make sure you're safe from any harm. Don't you understand that? This is what she wrote:

Well, the reason for my parents' decision is not this. It is something far more serious that has happened. No, I wudn't go into the details, but what I can say is that people (church leaders) have been poking their noses into our family's personal business and claimed that we're doing some illegal stuff. They demanded that we give up what we're doing and is trying everything to make my parents do just that. Concerned, that's wad they say; but a concerned person will only give advices and will not force d other party to do what he/she wants. The couple had asked some ppl to investigate into what my parents are doing--if it is legal or not, secretly. And how can you investigate when you don't know much? Dat was how rumours gets on the way..to make things worse, they wud not accept it when ppl investigated and say that it is actually legal.

What has caused this to happen? Is it just plain greed and love of money or just another way to prove that they are always better than us? Or maybe I'm just overreactingm because other people seem to be closing an eye concerning this matter. Why don't they just solve this once and for all... so that things can just go back to the way it was before?! How should we all deal with this? I prayed and prayed over it, but I still don't have any confirmation about it. Worse still, I hate putting up a face in front of her everyday. This just isn't right at all. Well, whatever the real problem is, I'm sure God has a plan, and it's something that we won't understand.

Speaking of plans, I think Lionel and the others are up to something. Something fishy. hmm. Just now when I was about to leave the church, I saw Lionel discussing some things with Uncle Chris. When I went over ot peek, he quickly covered the paper he was scribbling on and said that I cannot see it. hmm hmm hmm. I smell fish. My birthday is already long gone, so what could it be? Nevermind, I shall be ready for it. haha.

Mock exam continues tomorrow with Physics paper. The paper I dread the most, after Chinese. sigh. PMR starts tomorrow too, and the guys look pretty calm about it, except for poor Richard who got high fever a few days ago. Thank God he's okay by now. I don't mean to judge others, but it's like the fourth straight week that Isabella's been absent to church. And Samantha only came today because she's on duty to play keyboard. And everytime I asked Sam why her sis didn't come, she said that Bella "don't wanna come". oh gosh, what is happening? And why does their parents allow this?

I worry too much. sigh. My head is such a mess now. Another week to go... then I can relax. One more week, Jocelyn.

letting go and starting new

something keeps holding me back
grabbing a hold onto my present
everytime I take a step forward
maybe it's a lesson for me
telling me to the right thing
and learn how to finally
let go
~me