doo doo doodle :P

Added the doodle board! Isn't it cute?

It's the end of November now, and it's only 2 subjects left for SPM. Woo...I'm really excited that it's almost over soon. I really am lookuing forward to life after SPM and high school. Excited, yet nervous at the same time. The National Service problem is still bugging me... but I hope that they will accept my application letter and put me in first batch. But people tell me that it's already too late to apply now... Still, I don't want to give up...pray that He will cause a miracle to happen!

As usual, I slacked whole day. We had a jamming session during youth meeting just now. Bro. Dexter was kind enough to 'help' us out and give us some comments. Anyway, we practised the song "Running after you" for quite a long time...but it still sounds 'kelam kabut'. haha! Dexter's comments was to practise MORE and coordinate with the leader (Ik Sung) more. Oops. Honestly, we were very busy with our own business and didn't pay much attention to what Ik Sung was saying. But overall, we are getting better. Fortunately... haha!

quit using those lols

I've always ignored those silly and irritating fowarded junk mails. But this is one of a kind. And it's horrifying true, too. Well, at least for me. Umm...except the part of "love at first sight" - it should be "crush at first sight". Oh yeah, this is something out of topic, but I just have to say this. I HATE PEOPLE USING LOL!!! arghhhh. It's so annoying. And pathetic.

Is your birthday day 16 of the month?

>Your Life <

You always follow the good and the right instead of listening to your heart. Another word, you are a perfectionist. You care for every word people say about you. You often seen isolated while you are, by nature, curious and a dreamer who is ready to get over the edge to make your dreams come true.

>Your Love <

You often fall in love with a person who is much different from you, in age and other aspects. Your relationship grows on friendship. Love at first sight is not your style.

frustrated...pulling on my hair

Whoa. I am impressed. Lil bunny actually 'refurnished' his boring blog into something interesting. haha. oh ya, with the HELP of a friend. gud job, pal.

Anyway, today is just oh-so-boring. sighz. I tried doing some bio exercises, but I get bored after 30 mins and start turning on the tv. which by the way, looks incredibly tempting. So what should I do? Pull out the tv plug which is so hard to reach coz it's behind the tv? or just simply control myself? why is it so hard to do something you have to do, but so easy to accomplish something you WANT to do?

The headaches keep coming. What is it about now? NS. I called KL a few days ago, and found out that I was not placed in the first batch. Disappointment, anger, and frustration just poured out of me. I could be placed in second or worst, third batch for all I know. Jul, Stef, n Yee Yong is also in the same spot as I am, but it's really no comfort at all.

Mum called my NZ agent the other day, and the agent emailed UC, asking them to issue a confirmation letter to me so I can apply for first batch. But somehow against their stupid policy, they can only issue one if I will be going for the Feb intake. So Josephine (de agent) said that the only way is to ask for a confirmation letter saying I'll study in Feb, but later on change my course to June. Blek. I hate doing this. Worse still, there's no guarantee that the people in KL will put me in 1st batch, since there are thousands of victims like me doing the exact same thing. Come to think about it, the government is either an absolute blur or complete idiots. Heh.

new year resolution

Finally, I've come up with my New Year resolution for 2005. Ah, another year is slowly passing us by, another new and unexpected year just at one corner, waiting for us to embrace it. So this is it.

I've made up my mind to...
...lose excess fat, esp around waist =P
...learn to play guitar & practise more piano
...learn how to cook edible food
...meet up with old pals (Angela, Clement...where r u guys?!)
...be more independent! ahem

by the grace of God, I am quite confident that I will be able to achieve these targets...

and be proud of myself no matter what I will do, be confident in my actions, and most important of all, be more consistent in reading His word. Amen!

tonite, just to unwind myself, i joined the guys jamming whole nite. haha. we sang to silly christmas carols to be performed during christmas later on. it was really hilarious practising and at the same time, laughing like mad at the [animals'] silly antics. then we went to siang siang for ABC special. too bad the 'ang tau' already finished by then. and silly gorilla kept making funny noises and staring at me de whole time, making me hard to concentrate on my ABC. hmmph!

my confessions

Long post. Very boring too.

I've known him for such a long time now. Since we were still babies. I remember us and another girl being best friends in our early years, playing in his house, sometimes even running around with no clothes on. Anyway, as time went on, we have all grown up. We studied in seperate primary, then secondary schools, and slowly grew apart. Change. Yeah, that was what made us so different now. Each one of us with completely different characters.

Now, all 3 of us are 17 years old. Adulthood is just nearby, waiting for us to enfold it. Time, the ultimate enemy has caused many uneventful things to happen. First, the other girl was seperated far from us in her own league. Perhaps it was the course of nature, or simply another part of God's great plan. We exchanged bad words amongst ourselves, though it was not spoken out loud at times. The cold war began long before we even realised it.

A few months ago, a dispute broke out in church. She took the shocking step of attending another church. Betrayal was what some said. Selfishness was also mentioned. I didn't take long to figure out why she really left us. I bet he knew it too. We felt guilty for it, but helpless.

Time has brought him to become a leader in our youth group. He was part of our band, yet found it hard to coordinate with the others. Not many respected him. But we dare not to say it out loud. A friend once said that he had always felt intimidated by other previous leaders who were far more outspoken and talented than he is. Once again, my heart broke out for him. But what am I to do?

I know about his past. I know of his insecurities. I remember vividly how he often lied to hide his inferiorities. Lie after lie, he became immune to it. I just stood by one side, not knowing whether to support my friend or to bring him down. He is a good person who works hard to excel. He wanted so bad to prove himself. Perhaps he has set his expectations too high. In studies and in his social life, he always exaggerated his actions, wanting other people to recognise him as a leader. When people including me was out having fun, he was always busy burrying his head into books. I noticed also that he was always the last to leave tuition classes.

Yet, he doesn't feel complete. He tries so hard but still is not satisfied with his achievements. And now he always looks at me in a way saying, "I may not be better than others, but I will always try my very best to be. You'll see. I'll prove it to you. Someway, someday." And because of that reason, I found my inspiration to reach for the highest. Like they always say, "Shoot for the moon, and if you don't, you'll still land among the stars." (=

kidsgames...am I up for it?

Went to KidsGames training sessions for the past 2 nights. Dunno what came to me yesterday, but somehow I volunteered to be 1 of the 6 people totally in charge of the games section. Fortunately, Stef and Bernard are with me in the same league. There's 2 other small kids from St. Faith (who looked a bit blur last night...haha), Uncle Kenny (the GameMaster...) and of course, our overall HEAD (tau), Ray Hudson. Hmm...is that his real last name? Reminds me of Kate Hudson. Anyway, we the 'games people' must submit our own choice of games with all the details tonight. I've had 1 in mind, it's the wheelbarrow race. I'll think of the backup plan later on, too lazy to do that now.

Richard (the youth leader from BSB) really looks like Phua Chu Kang! Really really. As in 90% alike. haha. At first, it was just Stef that mentioned it, then everyone started saying that. I wonder if he knows it or not. But Richard is really good at organising stuff, plus he's very funny at times. I noticed something too... Brunei people LOVES to say "basically....basically". Oh gosh, it gets annoying at times.

fired up

Arghhh. Just wasted almost 2 hours changing the new layout. But it's worth it. Right? Orange isn't exactly my favourite colour, but the whole theme is vibrant and refreshing.

The (short) holidays has almost ended. But not yet. I wish that it'd end sooner. Staying at home doing nothing when I should be studying makes me feel sorta guilty. Aiks.

So it's good that I'm getting out of the house tonight. Yay, mum let me volunteer in the Youth Mission : KidsGames 2004 at St Thom Cathedral next month. Training sessions are from 17 to 19 of Nov, starting tonight. The activities are gonna we so fun. Plus, there are about 30 youths coming from Brunei to help out. Waaa...maybe there are some cute guys involved too... hehe! Anyway, promise myself that I'll have fun tonight and just enjoy serving God.

beautiful song

A beautiful song, by Jesse McCartney.

"Beautiful Soul"

[Chorus]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah

looking on the bright side of things

Poor dad. He's having a terrible toothache. Ouch. Pray that he won't have that much fear when he visits the dentist tomorrow. Haha.

I'm surprised coz there are so many people online right now. And many of them are like me, people who are sitting for SPM next week. haha. Seems like I'm not the only one escaping reality.

As we all know, it's that time of the year when everybody is busy with their own business. For kids and school children, it's the best time to watch tv and play video games all day long. The working peeps get to enjoy holidays too...since it's the Raya season and Christmas is just around the corner now. But unfortunately, all Form 5 students across Malaysia are burdened with SPM. While other people are out there celebrating and enjoying so much, we are trapped inside rooms, burrying our heads into books and memorizing stupid facts. All for the sake of getting in to good universities or colleges. Or to some, just for the sake of passing high school and graduate, then find a real job.

Is this what high school is all about? Getting good grades to get accepted into renowned universities? As much as I want to say no to that, I do rely on my pre-SPM results to get accepted into UC. But I'm really thankful that everything's working out fine so far. Nothing to complain. And when you stop complaining, that's when you begin to enjoy doing what you're doing, no matter how heavy the task is. Or will be.

lazy lazy me

Today is declared the LAZY day by me. Determined to study Chemistry today, my lazy genes took control over my mind and body, thus I am spending my LAZY afternoon lazing in front of the computer. ~crap~
Kinda surprised mr. Bunny messaged me, asking about how I knew Kai En. Muahahaha... He must be surprised too when he found out I was one of her many 'friends'. Little did he know that the princess supplied me with top class info about his ex-crush. Hmm...maybe not ex yet. But who's to know, right?
I want a new layout. Butterfly layout really begining to bug me. Ehh~

another day wasted...?

GREAT. Just great. I just spent my whole, precious Saturday afternoon designing crap for mum's new NAME CARD. Stupid name card. I'm not a freaking designer, alright? And she always expects so much from me. Goodness. There. I've said it.

Things don't seem to go on smoothly for my dad, too. He was supposed to go to Santubong resort for his home cell retreat this afternoon. Somehow, a worker at the gas station pumped the wrong type of oil into his Prado. So obviously when diesel mixes with petrol oil, the car stops running. Dad was furious when he got home, but mum, well, acted like she always would. She suggested that dad sue the worker for causing damage to his 'new' car. Sheesh.

Good news for someone, though. Julianna just bought a new handphone. So when Ching heard about it, she 'rushed' to town and searched for one herself, but alas...she couldn't find what she wanted. Haha. Those two are always competing. But in a healthy way, I guess. What about me? People keep asking me when am I going to get a handphone. My dear cousin once said to me, "Huh, I don't know how people with no handphones can LIVE..." And I was just sitting next to her. Ok, enough said.

Crappy, crappy, crapy. I am supposed to study Biology now. Heck, I'll do it tonight then. Mum just invited Gordon, my extremely shy cousin to home cell tonight. Oh man. I don't want to be held responsible if he couldn't fit in with the group. And I want to have my own fun too... Later at the worship practise will be my first time meeting with P-cube after she left for Kajang about 5 months ago. So I really have some catching up to do...hehe.

not exactly a time to relax

It's finally time for a short holiday after the first phase of SPM. The second phase will resume on 22 Nov, after Raya celebration. That's when the tough subjects will be tested, namely Physics, Chem, and Bio. But I'm definitely glad that 5 subjects are over, and I've only have to sit for the remaining 6 subjects.

Though it's holiday season now, I can barely feel the excitement of it this time. Agfa is back, but I doubt that I would have the time to hang out with her. In short, I feel pathetic. Staying at home all day, studying and studying really has taken its toll on me. haha. After all this, on the afternoon of 3 Dec, I'd look forward to throw all my books, tension, and worries away. But for only a short while. Why? Coz waiting for me after SPM are many events, not boring though - Youth camp, National Service, and getting ready to head overseas for further studies. Yikes.

So basically, there isn't enough time for anyone to rest in this real life. Everything is fast-moving, and those who cannot take it will be left out. haha.

I chatted more to Ron two days ago, and he shared some personal things with me. I was really shocked that he was so open about that topic and blurted out everything to me just like that. So I'm stumped about how I should give him the proper advice to settle his 'problem'. I've tried once, but it seems like he's immune to it. Should I ask other people for 2nd opinion, or not make a big fuss out of this? I understand that almost every teenage guy experiences this problem, though they don't tell people about it, but somehow, I feel like a big sister and want so desperately to help him. Lord, please tell me what should I do...

I've been lazy to blog, so I won't blog as frequently as before. Things change, and so have my priorities.

genuine friendship

About half an hour ago, I received a phone call from someone I'd least expected. Carolyn. She called to wish me all the best for SPM. Wow...I was pretty touched that she took the effort to call all the way from KL just to wish me good luck. This shows me that no matter how small a deed might seem, it can do big things to people. So, I really thank her and God for giving me more inspiration to do better in SPM. It's truly like a message sent from above...

cherishing those beautiful memories

Surfed through a friend's blog, and decided to do one of my own 'rEfLEctIOns'. haha. This year has certainly been one of my most interesting years, although next year would be even better (with NS and NZ...no pun intended)...

I miss that moment when...

• SFEC youth become NOT boring anymore...yay!

• had and still have a silly crush on XXX

• told certain people (you know who you are) about my crush and ran to the bathroom, locked myself up, and laughed until I almost cried

• started out this blog and ditched blurty

• watched Ju-on with Ching...how she grabbed my hand so hard it hurts...how I had the creeps while taking showers for a week after that...and how I laughed (really loud) when everyone else was screaming their heads off

• going to Planetshakers concert... and took pictures with cute guys from Aussie

• my b-dae celebration at school...when my friends chiah me with pizza and made my soooo touched

• got to know about being selected for NS while shopping at KL...and partially ruined my mood

• practising for months for "Shout Your Fame"...and performing during Festival of Praise

• after that, celebrating at Kch Festival for 2 consecutive nites

• laughing at Vyner when he broke his guitar and badminton strings many times

• missed the school bus and ended up chasing it all the way to St. Thom...and getting embarassed later on

• sitting through many co-operative meetings...listening to dear ah Bong making announcements

• church camp at Santubong... sabo-ing Richard and John with cake, icing, flour, and eggs

• getting scold by the guard, who complained that we made too much noise

• cleaning up the stinky mess

• creating nicknames for our (Jess, Kel, and I) crushes, laughed like mad... (the nicknames were Dwraf, Merman, and Pinocchio...haha)

• doing a human wheel-barrow with Vyner at ISCF camp...getting my whole face red like a tomato

• forced to do an 'exotic catwalk' during the camp

• watching Esther doing her kind of exotic catwalk

• Agfa leaving for KL...her crying at the airport

• me crying at the airport

• her and I talking on the phone once a week...talking basically crap

• taking part in co-operative quiz...ended up in second place for the second time...

• going to Sun concert...though it sucked, went to Point 1 for ABC special, taking funny pictures, and went home past midnite

• watching Harry Potter 3, not satisfied with the ending...thinking that I'd be a better director than who-was-it-again?

• getting my hair cut short...really short

• seeing the expression on my friends' faces when they saw my hair

• took off my braces =)

• whole day of playing games at the arcade, trying archering and did gud at it...during outing with SFEC youths

• searching for Jake Gyllenhaal on the net after watching The Day After Tomorrow

• farewell party for Deb...had steamboat dinner... Stef and I blowing up clams...watching Ik Sung eating like a king kong

• Gerald begging for Jul's number...and then mine...

• Kevin confessing about his relationship with Deb... seeing his face get red... seeing his father's expression

• attending the drama workshop, acting as a clown with a 6-foot Englishman...with his girlfriend staring at us

• countless times I stared at the computer screen, wishing his nick will just pop up and we could chat for hours...

• and many more events too beautiful to type out :~)

Time passed very very fast...too fast for you to sit there and dream about life. So what I want to do next year is live my life to the fullest and treasure every second possible. Not saying WHY but instead, WHY NOT? hehe~

SPM...here i come

Yesterday~

The house phone line just went dead. Dead, as in no dialtone at all. Hmm, quite weird. It's like someone cut off the line in those scary movies when you most needed the phone and the serial killer is just behind you. So the time I post this is not the time I wrote this. Ok, enough crap~

So I'm really feeling crappy right now. I don't feel like studying, I don't feel like revising. What is wrong with me anyway? It's SPM tomorrow, for Pete's sake. The world has officially gone topsy-turvy. Sheesh. I've tried it all, singing in the bathroom, going for a walk, to lazing in front of the tv for a few hours watching mtv all day. But still no effect on me. Bleh.

Anyways, mum and I went to the education agent again today, talked more about my future studies. Blah blah. I asked her about staying in Residential Halls, which is more fun and activity-filled. But the price is also much higher than homestay. But hey, it's gonna be entirely uni and hall life. Must be interesting. Plus, I can choose from 4 great halls, not to mention almost all halls come with single bedrooms, DVD and movie room (woah...), study room, personal computer, free phone line, free laundry etc. So it offers everything and much more for about NZ dollar 200++ a week. *gasp* Yeah, a week I said. Converted to M'sian ringgit, that's about 400 bucks a week, over a thousand per month, just for accomodation. Winter clothes cost more then NZ 500. I really do feel pity for my parents.

Not being at school on Monday mornings is very weird. People always say that you won't miss school until you've really stopped going there. No wonder I'm so edgy all day. The whole of my body itch, though not literally. Now I can't even phone Kel or Jess because there's no line!!! Ahhhh...this is so pathetic. What to do now...what to do now.... Boredom is killing me now. Ughhhh. Damn the Telekom people. Stupid idiots.

Today~

Yay...1st day of SPM is already over. Surprisingly, both Chinese papers weren't that hard as I thought it'd be. One of the essays is actually a model esaay I had looked through a loooong time ago. So you know the rest of the story. I did my best, now just have to pray for the examiner to give me an A. haha.

Things get weird during the exam season. Last night, I said my prayer, had my quiet time, and off the lights at around 11.30 pm. After almost 2 hours of turning around, I still couldn't sleep. Sheesh, I was so frustrated then, I was really worried that I'd be groggy or tired and couldn't write the essays. So after that, I went to my parents' room and slept there. Thank God I finally rest all my thoughts and had at least four hours of sleep. There's no test tomorrow, doing revision on Add Mx. Yeah...that's one of my fav papers to sit for, but dunno why.

decisions decisions...

I've gone crazy. Well, maybe just temporarily. While watching my favourite Simpsons horror show, suddenly I just got up, switched off the tv (my precious...) and told my mum that I wanted to go for a jog at Stutong Park. And so we jogged and walked for an *astounding* distance of 3 kilometers in less than 1 hour. It was fun and relaxing, in a weird way, pretty nice to just sniff some fresh air (even though there's traffic everywhere), and make myself sweat. Talk about pre-NS training. Hmphh. My target next time is to jog for 5 rounds (1 round = 1 km)... and hope that I won't give up in the middle of it. Blueks.

The sermon by Uncle Dennis was really...how should I put it... precise and very true. Recap: Judgement is not all about punishment. There are rewards too awaiting those who deserves them. And whatever thing you do now, no matter how small you might say it is, is recorded and will be presented on the judgement day. On that very day, there will be no appeals, no more second chances. The decision will be FINAL. And He who is your brother, your comforter, your friend, will also be a judge. So that's about it.

I'm still blur about what to do with further studies next year. Oh sheesh. I thought I had decided on foundation studies in University of Canterbury, but Rebecca had to call all the way from NZ and tell me that if I want to study biological sciences, Uni of Otago will be better. Sucky, isn't it? Now what? And residential halls are not too bad either, but maybe the closing date for enrolment is already over. sigh sigh. Well, maybe I should really just stick to Homestay. Whateva.