My confession

Don't you think that in these times, it isn't fair to say "I miss so and so" or "I miss the times when..." anymore? Why is it not fair? Once you mention it to someone, that someone will start comparing his or her situation, by adding more "misses" to the already long, draggy list of what we want to see happening but simply could not.

Everyone has one of those long lists of things or people they miss. So have I. But right now, only one of those items will appear in this blog post. =)

I miss being able to just type out just about anything I want to. Few years ago when I first started out this blog, I wanted to be able to speak my mind, to not plan out the way I write things or put pictures just so that it will fit what other people want to see. I wanted to be true to myself, to let this online journal be a personal, intimate, and HONEST record of what I've been through in life, especially when I'm away from home and missing a whole lot more things (and people).

If you're bored enough to read through some of my OLD posts, they may consist of really bad and broken English, but at least they represent my thoughts, my dreams, my fears, and maybe even my crush. Yes, Mr Crush, you're still out there, since I'm being too much of a coward to say this directly to you: Time will tell. It always does.

ANYWAYYY. My posts are now so diluted, mostly with unimportant facts, uninspiring ramblings, and annoying complaints about my life. Sad, but true. I look around at other blogs, not amazed at the famous bloggers out there who earn more than my annual tuition fee per month, but amazed at those who are not afraid to blog straight from their hearts.

Password protected blogs. It's one way of making people stay out of your blog, but what's the meaning in that? Some might say it's more like those little padlocks you find on the cheap "diaries" found in your local stationary shop; I say it's a smart way of getting out of unwanted trouble. Then why am I not password-protecting my blog and THEN start writing what I really want to again?

But then again, why would I do that? Giving up the main purpose of blogging: sharing thoughts with other people, be it those living on the other side of the world (getting comments from them is AWESOME) or those you bad-mouth about in the blog. It comes down to the fine line of balance between risking your ex-bf finding out your blog address AND of experiencing the satisfaction of being true to yourself.

And who knows, I might actually spill some personal beans from time to time, and only the lucky ones might be able to spot them. ;P

across the distance

distance.
why are you here?
you span the oceans
you create pain
you separate
creating longing
in the hearts of many.

time.
why aren't you on my side?
you control emotions
you heal wounds
you create hope
you hold the answers
to questions unanswered.

faith.
i'll hold you dearly
through the distance
through time
i know you're there
keeping me safe
giving me hope
making me believe.

Captivate me

I've been busy shopping on trademe.co.nz. =)

I lost the handsfree earphone for my phone, so that gave me an excuse to get a new one. My new ones arrived today, and it only costed 10 bucks!

I recently bought an album by Starfield entitled Beauty in the Broken. They're a Canadian Christian rock/alternative band with exceptional songwriting skills, my favourite off the album is the beautiful "Captivate me". It's definitely worth a listen, and $18.00 for such an amazing cd was worth it.

My latest buy from trademe is another cd, this time it's the latest one from Hillsong United-- "All of the above". Didn't notice when it was released until it appeared on trademe! Looking forward for it to arrive at my doorstep in the next few days.

***

This afternoon's Biochem lab stretched until 5.30pm, but it felt more like 100 hours stuck with huge amounts of cultured Echerishia Coli bacteria.

Not even the microbiology lab was spared. There will be E. coli cultured in lab EVERY single week, and who knows how many hundreds or thousands of them got stuck successfully onto my lab coat. Which means that I have to wash my lab coat at least once a week, if not there'll be enough bacteria to take over the whole of Dunedin by next week.

So my lecturer told us that E coli is one of the "friendly" bacteria that actually lives in your gut, and without it, you might not even function properly. But then why are people so afraid of getting infected by a bacteria that is already living inside you, and their number is more than the total of people living on earth?!

It's pretty ironic if you ask me.

dreadful biochem

Tomorrow is the day I dread most-- Biochemistry lab report presentation. Though it will only be 5% out of the final grade, I have no idea what to say to my fellow classmates, even after the rather unfruitful group meeting yesterday afternoon. Thankfully it is group work, yet somehow the 5 of us have absolutely no idea how to talk about DNA sequencing blah blah boring stuff.

Oh well. We'll see how the others groups go about doing that too. Hopefully we'll be the last group to present so that everyone couldn't be bothered listening to us by then. Hehe.

Weekend, oh weekend. How I look forward to this coming weekend! Firstly, I'm starting work again this Saturday. Not that it's something EXCITING to look forward to, but work is definitely a motivation to get me out of bed on a Saturday morning, and not lose those hours sleeping-in. Also, getting those extra cash is never a bad thing. =)

Easter break-- should I go back up to Christchurch or stay back here to work? Chch means more food, shopping, and much needed holiday; Dnd means more cleaning, sleep, and boredom. Should I go, or should I stay?

A scare

The flat got quite a scare this afternoon. The electric/water bill arrived, and the amount for February was an astonishing $800++!!! I'll faint if I convert this to ringgit. So we thought of how we could possibly use that much electricity in a month, and the probability of a mistake by Contact Energy.

After checking the power metre, sure enough, it was misread. They probably had our figures switched with another flat's. Which means, one of our neighbours actually do spend almost 1000 bucks on electric a month. How crazy is that?! Thank goodness after rough calculation, the amount we should pay comes to $200-ish, about $30 per person, which is reasonable enough for the summer.

***

I had a bad mid-week encounter. Heh.

Bad here translates into a girl's worst nightmare which doesn't involve accidentally walking naked down the street. It simply means bumping into your ex-boyfriend.

Who happens to be with another girl.

At uni.

And the girl SEEMS pretty.

I use the word seems because when it happened, I was too preoccupied looking at the nice couple walking my way to notice that the guy was also staring at my direction. Thinking that it was just a coincidence, I stared harder and *gasped* as I remembered how he looked like. It seemed like ages since we last met, so no wonder it took me a few seconds to recognise him. And the girl, which I assume is his next "victim".

Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Simple answer, it's no longer worth feeling bad or sad about. Let bygones be bygones, really and truly.

***

Waszowski had another accident. Sigh. Poor him (my KORG keyboard lah, of course). Canai accidentally moved Waszowski when the output speaker jack was still plugged in. Bummer. So I'm using the other headphone jack for the time back, couldn't be bothered sending him off for repair again and wait for the parts to arrive blah blah.

Then, Jo told me on Friday that church is considering using Waszowski for Sunday mornings in the future. *gasp!* The current Yamaha keyboard is going to be taken away by the owners in the next few weeks, and the church might buy me a carry-case to transport Waszowski to and fro. While the offer seems reasonable and I get to play with a GOOD keyboard at church (finally!), am I willing to take the risk of getting him damaged again? Even if I agree, it is only temporary as they will be getting brand new (hopefully) good instruments (including keyboards) this year.

But still, carrying him around is a bit of a problem since Waszowski weighs almost 20kgs and he is NOT made as a portable keyboard. And the part which I worry the most is setting up and packing him back every week, since he does cost quite a bit to buy and personal damage is NOT under warranty. Oh well, I will definitely give this more thought before I give them definite answers.

By the way, I'll be playing for the first ever time during a Sunday night next week! Will be quite a bit of a challenge since it will be the intercessors' week, and free worship does seem quite daunting to me right now. Oh well, I need more practice!

Muffin mania

Flat 4/777 should be called the muffin flat from now on!

With May as my supervisor, I baked my first white chocolate and macadamia muffins tonight! It was heavenly :P The chocolate and banana muffins turned out pretty well too, considering the recipe was an altered one.

The macadamia nuts is the only expensive ingredient used. When I bought it and found out it costed me $48.95 per kg, I thought the checkout grandma must have made a mistake. Surely, it couldn't be close to 50 bucks a kilo?! But of course, those were super expensive nuts, probably the most expensive nuts I've ever bought, and will ever buy. Hehe.

My masterpiece-- now in my tummy.

Chap Goh Meh dinner!

It seems like food is the main theme whenever there is a gathering or home cell in the flat. During last home cell on Tuesday, Raymond made us yummy laksa! Then this Sunday there's gonna be a steamboat dinner thingy! Waa... really must go to gym soon to lose all those extra fat consumed, or else will gain even more weight before winter.

Food aside, Brooke Fraser is finally back in NZ for a nationwide tour! Considering she is one of my favourite artists of all time, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Btw tickets cost about $47.50 and will be held at Dunedin town hall at 13 April. Time to meet a real talented singer/song-writer and get some autographs! =)

of emotions and equations

Emotions. Equations. Equilibriums. What do they have in common?

They all add up to something.

There are many people out there who might seem like the toughest person in the room and the bravest one to attempt a dare, but one day just crumples. These are those who build up their dreams, and together with that, their fear and anxiety. Every criticism received is slowly added up, stored away carefully where no one notices. Even compliments are seen as hidden criticisms, and they never know just how beautiful they really are.

YOU are beautiful just the way you are. You do deserve the compliments, the care, and the love of people around you. You never have to do something more to prove your worthiness, we already know how precious you are to us. What’s more, you know that yourself, but can’t seem to accept the fact that we love you no matter how you look or what you did (yes it sounds cheesy, I know)! And if you ever want to change a part of you, that’s ok too as we’re always beside you, supporting your every move.

Sometimes it might seem hard, and changing the past seems like the only way to move on and forget about the hurt in you. But with faith, and with time as the ultimate healer, no wound is irreparable given the right dose of love and care. The scars will be there, but it will only haunt with your permission. Learning how to accept the fact that we are not perfect helps with the healing process, and that’s me speaking from experience. And the learning process will never start when there’s constant bickering and complaining about your sad, pitiful condition. So stand up straight, clear those clouds that blur your vision, and as cliché as it is, start living on the brighter side of life.

Emotions, however complicated it may be, just like equations and equilibriums, always manage to find a balance between the positive and the negative. After all, would there be a positive end without a negative one?

And hopefully, it will all make sense in the end.

Cough crisis

It's been over a week now and though the fever's gone, I'm still coughing! Either the cough syrups are not strong enough or my immune system is way low to fight off the virus. What's more, I have now less than 5 ml of cough syrup left. Shucks. Once at Biochem lab I can barely complete a sentence during discussion time without coughing 10 times. Please virus, leave my body!

Playing the keyboards again this Sunday. Not sure how to say this, but worship's just not the same without Jo leading. :P I know I shouldn't take sides and rely on her, but the "flow" just isn't there with the new worship leader. Anyway, I shouldn't complain as these changes are inevitable, should instead learn how to play according to his style.

I miss last year! There, I've said it. This year is so much different from last year. No more hall life, no more mahjong-playing, no more (or very few) girl gossip time, no more unipol badminton visits, no more funny Studholme people to make fun of... I'm not sure I would say this last year, but it was all fun when it lasted, and I want just some of it back this year!

Gah. Maybe it's the virus making me feel lethargic this past whole week. I've been complaining about bits and pieces of things that don't turn out my way. Silently, maybe but yes I am complaining. Haven't yet found the pace in which I can indulge myself in. Time to go to the gym, time to meet up with friends, time to go to the movies, time to REALLY shop even though there isn't a sale on, time to wake up really early in the morning and do something random like jogging to the harbour to watch the sunrise. I miss that. =(

Oh well. The time will come when I'm no longer coughing my insides out, and can enjoy spicy/deep fried foods again. I look forward to that.

coughing my lungs out

Not feeling well at all at the moment. =(

My dry cough and super persistent on/off fever which started on Thursday is still haunting my body to its very core. I would cough over 50 times in a lecture and have about 3 to 4 "fever sessions" in a day. At night, going to be at 11pm meant sleeping at 3am as my cough wouldn't stop, and sometimes the fever would just come on during the early hours of morning.

The pharmacist gave me a dry cough syrup for the cough, and I took Panadol Rapid to cure the fever. Yet somehow, my immune system still isn't strong enough to fight off the virus. Then I decided to finally go see a doctor at Urgent Doctors. (yeah, how lame is the name). The GP told me it was a viral infection and there was nothing she could do about it, so no antibiotics was given. She said that I just needed more REST. The whole consultation time was less than 5 minutes, I waited for over 1 hour, and the consultation fee (after hours) was a whopping $59-- over RM120!

I thought I was not able to play the keyboard this morning, but somehow I just knew I had to do it, no matter how sick I was. I didn't know how I managed it without coughing the whole time or not freaking out as I never played 3 of the 4 songs Daniel chose before, but I know God was with me the whole time. =)

this week

The first week of uni this year brought back a lot of memories. Seeing those health science first year students going in and out of St David's lecture theater somehow made me feel a wee bit wiser and perhaps older. Or maybe I'm just giggling inside as I know they're in it for a tough year ahead with many unpredictable lecturers. Teehee.

I'm only taking 3 papers this semester, which seems like a light load to everyone. However, 2 of those are 27 point papers, which makes that equal to taking 5 papers in 1 sem. Also, there isn't one out of those three that SEEM easy to me now.

MICR201 appears to be the most hard to pass, according to my pharmacy friends who took that paper last year. They told me even those who always get straight A(s) fail to get more than 70 in microbiology. So far, micro lectures are the most interesting and labs aren't that bad at all, so we'll see where that takes me.

BIOC211. The lectures seem pretty easy, just mostly revision stuff from last year's sem 2. But gosh I was surprised at the level of the lab material and the amount of practical work involved! Definitely a hands-on subject, will need to work twice as hard to get good results here.

Finally, the compulsory and notorious MANV201. For those in blurry land, manv stands for management and innovation. Forget about the name, this 200-level paper for sem 1 is totally about economics. Even our reading is based on the material of ECON101. But coming from a science student, econs is a bit tough for me to handle, and the info thrown at us during one lecture (at 6pm when all you can think about is DINNNNNNNER...) is practically going into your left ear and coming out from the right. Oh well, all I have to do is just to pass this paper to move onto Biotech 3rd year.

By the way, public humiliation is a good thing, really. It teaches you about true friendship (hugs to Ange!), boosts up your confidence, and gives you a longer life (coz we laugh more la, duh!), and of course, the wonderful memories when you look back at this in the future.

Now all that stands in between public humiliation and INTERNATIONAL DISASTER is in the hands of the Singaporean immigration and customs. *prays hard*