meant to live

I'm NOT depressed/thinking of committing suicide or anything. Just to be clear :)

***

On the day of my funeral, whenever that is (hopefully when I've had at least 2 grandchildren I can annoy and bribe with lollies and have published a few journal articles in Science), I want nobody to be dressed in black or white, but be dressed in purple instead. Not only because it's my favourite colour (in 60 years too maybe?), but because purple doesn't correlate with death at all.

Also, instead of those solemn hymns that are always sung in funerals, please sing a song by Brooke Fraser. I vote "C.S. Lewis Song":

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you

Other songs that don't start or end with a minor key might be considered.

I'd like to be cremated, just because a coffin costs heaps (I processed ACC forms claiming for super expensive coffins). Getting a plot of land costs money too, I presume? Also, staring at a lifeless body when all my viable organs have been donated would just be plain creepy.

All my loved ones would not be sad, no one shall shed a tear; for it will be a time of celebration, not sorrow. Instead let it be a time of reunion (of long-lost friends), forgiving, and singing while holding hands.

***

This is what happens when I spend too much time home-bound (while trying to study). Again, I'm not thinking dark thoughts. Although the weather isn't exactly too bright and sunny at the moment. But just remembering again that life is just a breath, and if we fail to breathe in the goodness around, we might just miss it.

toots

The cold/windy weather is here to stay- at least for the next week.

Nevertheless, went to Farmers market again this morning. They've switched the lamb kebab store position, almost gave me a heart attack when it wasn't on the right of the eurodog stall (turns out to be on the left) but oh well :) Give me my weekly $2.50 lamb kebab and I'm a happy girl.

Saw these 2 boys playing their guitars (can't remember what that tiny guitar is called heh) and singing. Very talented young boys I'd say- they earned quite a lot of money too judging from the heaps of coins.

Interesting news: a giant baby (3x normal baby size) was born in Indonesia! click here to read. 2 words: flexibility & OUCH.

I'm running out of things to blog about. A sign of ageing *gasp*.

que sera, sera

There's a few things I can't wait to do next year: that is, once I'm all settled down and actually known what I've decided to do- phd or work, whichever comes first. Of course, I'd prefer working- more income and less stressful. But who knows? The reverse might actually be true. And I'll only continue on PhD if I get a full scholarship, aka at least $20,000/year allowance & fully-paid fees :D

I told my supervisor today about my plans of applying for scholarship, and he jokingly said "I thought we got rid of you" :P Speaking of which, I'm happy and relieved that I finally heard him saying it directly to me: "You've done a good job- much more than an honours project requires". AMEN! haha

But yeah, just so that you guys wouldn't be TOO shocked if I do get a permanent head damage (possibly) and stayed on here in good old Dunedin. Then I won't miss out on Xander growing up!

But for now, it's not for me to decide.

***

Oh, back to the topic of what I want to do next year: number one on my list is to get a car (Mini Cooper S!) and learn how to drive WOOHOO. Number two is to buy this SUPER AWESOME game- Halo 3: ODST (and of course, to play that, would need to buy an Xbox 360 console first heh) plus the other Halo collection. =D

GOSH. just look at the screenshots. BEAAAAAUTIFUL I tell you.

(click here to see rest of them)

My fingers are itching to even test it out now.

Then everyone's invited to come play multiplayer Halo! ;P Whenever that is. Or whoever buys it first *ahem* May May or Ramon?? =P

it's always about the journey

In the evolutionary battle between virus and host, the virus has a major advantage. The human genome evolves at a snail-like pace over millions of years while the virus, with its tiny genome, compressed generation time, and propensity toward replication errors, nimbly eludes the sophisticated defenses of the host adaptive and innate immune systems, developing genes that neutralize host defenses and structural genes that encode highly plastic structural proteins. In the end, however, the host will win out, not by evolving new immune defense mechanisms, but by virtue of the genes that have endowed us with the ability to understand our surroundings and to develop the means to thwart even the most sophisticated viral accessory genes and molecular escape mechanisms—we hope.

I love this last paragraph taken from a review article I'm reading (for exams soon meh). For copyright reasons: Gramberg et al. 2009. Current HIV/AIDS Reports, 6:36–42.

It is ironic though and I can't help but marvel at God's sense of humour in this: millions of people die from AIDS/HIV every year-as we all know, and it's all because of this little persistent virus whose diameter is more than 50,000,000 times smaller than our height. Yeap that's a ratio of 1 to 50 million.

I guess sometimes, size doesn't matter huh.

***

Anyway thanks for keeping me sane yesterday: most of you know I had trouble sleeping 2 nights ago. I TRIED sleeping (yeah I know drinking coffee at 11pm didn't help, but I wanted to sleep at around 3 or 4am anyway), but ending up studying till 6am-ish, then FORCED myself to sleep, which ended up just lying on the bed with my brain wide awake with severe palpitations. Tried taking a nap during the afternoon but just couldn't sleep again.

But yeah, I managed to sleep last night: not 8 hours but yeah it was quality rest.

The palpitations stopped too today. Yay! I still drink coffee, heh, old habits die hard. Or shall I say, I took a vow to never part with caffeine on the day I became a uni student. But I'm limiting myself to just 1 coffee/day now, unless absolutely necessary aka just before exams.

Speaking of which, dissertation is due on Oct 2, next Friday. Discussing with my supervisor re another set of draft again tomorrow. Presentation on Thursday. 25% oral exam on the 7th. 12.5% assignment due on the 12th. Finals on the 29th and 30th. Gosh gosh gosh.

Maybe that was why I had the pre-panic attack symptoms.

Therefore, I am self-prescribing retail therapy. :D Country road will be having their cardholders special sale today (wednesday) with extra 20% off discounted items!!! I will be there, for sure. After applying for more phd scholarships and banking in my tax refund cheque $$$ WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*looks up at that graduation countdown counter above & smiles* not too far away now...

why bakeries never go bankrupt

white choc & raspberry gateau
with AHEM auto-relight candles

Saturday night was awesome =D

Thanks to everyone who made it that way- the PDA *ahem ahem*, posing and smiling for the camera, Chris for being the photographer of the night, everyone who shaved their legs and dressed up (yay), the purple/white helium balloons and how Ping was so brave even when a drunkard took away one of them, Mae Ann for the beautiful music, Plato for the crazy-delicious crayfish (haven't had one since eons ago), and AHEM for paying for my own dinner. And of course, for making me tear up again (happens every year) after hearing all your little speeches.

Oh, thanks for the Smiggle box ;) See, I haven't forgotten about it yet! hehe

The only critique I have about Plato is how they don't allow customers to bring outside cakes & liquor. We eventually had the cake at my flat after dinner, and those that are keen to try the PORT wine I bought specifically for last Saturday should come see me tomorrow MUAHAHA (I'll be opening it then).

Photos from Saturday night will be up soon (tomorrow or Thurs) once Chris gives me the CD; some will be on the website as well- ask me for the username and password.

There's just so many HAPPY things happening lately. I called inland revenue about getting a tax refund (aka since NZ taxes income-earners a lot, non-residents can get back HEAPS of what they had earned here) and ta-da- I'm getting back approximately $500 (or even more muahhaha) back in a few weeks time when the cheque arrives!!! =D Oh yes I'm happy but 10% of that's going back to God, while the rest goes to my travel fund, maybe some for upcoming trip to Welly *cough Karen Walker shop cough*. hehe.

I found my passport too!! Which is quite dumb (losing a passport, I know), and I was freaking out about losing it. But eventually I found it in between a photo album of old photos, which I decided to look through AFTER looking at old photos my cousin uploaded onto Facebook AFTER he added me on facebook 1 week ago! Coincidence/silver lining? ;P

Passport found; so I could finally sit for my learners drivers license- which I sat for and passed yesterday!!! Heart almost skipped a beat when it came down to the last 2 questions I wasn't too sure about: and I already had 2 wrong answers (to pass: need to score at least 32 out of 35). But thank God for that: now I have a temporary NZ Learners Driver License (can drive, but need to be accompanied by someone with a 2-year full license at all times), getting the permanent card soon in the mail, then sit for restricted in 6 months' time.

It was a big step for me; not knowing if I'll still be in the country next year but still taking the test and getting a driver license. Which means I had just slimmed down the possibility of applying for a job overseas, i.e. Aussie, not because I don't want to, but because my decision would be to stay in NZ after graduation, at least for next few more years until after I get my residency.

I've also been thinking about starting to work again from now til before trip to Welly. Reason is to get more income, avoiding boredom (which I'm starting to get now), feeling less guilty when shopping, feeling better in general. So I went to Recruitments Agency- they helped me get a job at ACC last year. Surprisingly, the consultant working there recognised me from last year. Though there's no current vacancy at ACC atm, I'm hopeful: if I'm meant to work now, so be it. Or if I'm supposed to just concentrate on studies and getting 1st class honours, I'm fine with that too.

Weather's been great so far. SO HOT oh gosh. My duvet is too thick for spring now.

I'm baking tiramisu cake tonight :D with Sharon's help, of course. Cake is for my supervisor and friends from my lab- another way of thanking them for being so helpful towards my project this year (besides writing the acknowledgments part).

Ok then. Deep breath. One year older in a few hours, Jocelyn.