The unsent letter

My friend,

Knowing you for over 10 years already made me take for granted the fact that I KNOW you well enough to depend on you. Well, apparently I was mistaken.

I know we all have our own things to do now, with you busy working and running various errands. But can't you fit an old friend into that busy schedule of yours? The hot weather and traffic is no excuse, since I sacrificed my time in overseas to be back here with all of you. If you know me well enough, you would also know that I HATE people being late, and I HATE being late myself. So that's why when it's 12 o'clock sharp, it is 12 o'clock SHARP. If you know there's going to be traffic, get out of the house early.

You told me we would meet at 2pm today. Fine, I said. Then you said plans changed, and the time to meet is now 3.30pm. Fine, I said, I'll be there. Time passed and it is 4.30pm, and you arrived with not only an insincere apology, but also spent the whole time chatting to someone else and complaining about not being able to have your picture taken with us. My dear friend, my whole point of asking you to join us was to take some frigging pictures, so if you're not keen on that, why even bother to show up?!

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I felt annoyed. I forgave, but as the saying goes, I never forgotten. This has become a bad habit of yours that I'm not sure I can ever live with. Every moment spent with you makes me feel like I owe you the time you're spending to be with all of us.

No, I'm not mad at you. I'm just surprised at how much things has changed since I last left town. Or maybe, I was also like that once, totally ignoring the feelings of others and only focusing on mine? Whatever that has caused this, things have definitely changed. And I won't make any effort to change it since you seem pretty comfortable at that position, and frankly speaking, I feel that I don't feel as comfortable as before being back here like I used to.

Little by little, I feel more belonged at Dunedin. I tend to compare more things and be unhappy about more things here. Heck, even my body is responding to the drastic change and asking me to hurry back to whether I should be right now.

Maybe I've been expecting too much. I expect to be able to laugh along at your jokes, or join in at the latest gossips, and listen to you complain about your new hairdo... but I find myself just sitting there, faking a smile/laugh once in a while, wondering to myself why would I even bother being there anymore. What I had thought was cool and used to do has suddenly became boring and lame.

Oh well. And why would I even bother typing this since you don't even know that this blog exists? Even if you ever come across this, please don't take it the wrong way. You've been my friend for the longest time, and I treasure what we have, and will do my best to keep this tie strong. Just please put in more effort in making this friendship worthwhile and memorable, would you?

You're brilliant at what you do, even though you might not realise that at times. Confidence do come in handy sometimes. I believe that you can do great things. And though I won't be around here often and since we barely keep in touch online either, I wish you a wonderful journey along that road called life, and that you'll remember the times we had in the teenage years of our lives.

Till then, my friend.